In a previous episode of KathsPath, I mentioned that I had become good at “hiding” and I have been learning to recognise when I’m doing that. Well, I’ve been “hiding” in the last couple of weeks. I realise that healing is a Roller Coaster and I am on that ride.
But Healing isn’t the Roller Coaster I’m thinking about today.
I wrote this a few weeks ago…
ROLLER COASTER
I sit at the top of the Roller Coaster,
This Roller Coaster of Emotion.
I smile,
I rejoice,
I cry tears of joy,
And relief!
Yet
At the back of my mind
Is that Little Thought,
“I have been here before.
Hold back a little bit on hope… just in case.”
I have been on this Roller Coaster for seven years. I look back and see the highs and the lows.
The LOWS of
Breast cancer then
Bone cancer then
Brain cancer then
Incurable Brain Cancer.
- Disfigurement of breast removal
- Chemotherapy and its life-threatening effects
- Obscenity of brain surgery
- Focused brain radiation
- “Some people live for six months” prognosis
- Whole brain radiation.
The grief
The anxiety
The fear
The wailing
The anger
The tears
And more tears.
The HIGHS
When friends and strangers pray
When they give
When they send love
And support
When they grieve with us
And rejoice with us.
When the scan results are “good”
When they have shown
“Cancer – Free!”
I am on this Roller Coaster because I love my daughter, my Anne,
And I desperately want her to LIVE.
But I am not on this Roller Coaster alone.
Although we each have our own emotions, on this Roller Coaster are all those who love Anne – her Dad, her brothers and sisters, her friends, her extended family, and especially her Ben and their children.
If I close my eyes,
I can see Anne kneeling by the bath as she bathes her 2-year-old daughter… so thin, so pale, her beautiful long curls all gone.
I can see her asking the oncologist, “How long do I have to live?”
And I hear his answer, “Some people live for six months.”
I am appalled!
How can that be?
Then I turn my thoughts
To the vision of angels who Anne witnessed, pushing healing light into her,
To the love and support of SO many people,
To the promise the Lord gave me.
And I tell that ‘Little Thought at the back of my mind’
I WILL hope – FULLY!
Whatever the future holds
Today
I am at the top of the Roller Coaster
Rejoicing!
