My garden
Overgrown and messy
Like my life
Confusion
No order
No productiveness
Scattered
Not getting the best of my time,
my efforts,
my money.
Tangled
Weary
Overgrown
Out of control
Overwhelmed
Where to start?
Hide! Just hide!
I wrote these words in early 2018 when my daughter, Anne, was going through chemotherapy for bone cancer metastases.
When I read those words recently my heart felt the overwhelm and grief that I was feeling; but when I got to the words, “Hide! Just hide!” I laughed.
Over the last few years, I have become quite good at hiding. My strategies have been games on my phone and binge watching TV series.
Using up all my free-time in hiding made me feel very inadequate, a failure… I felt that I was addicted but I didn’t know how to get over my addiction. (And, of course, addiction is BAD.)
Because of life choices that I have recently made I came to realise that I am not addicted. I no longer feel the need to play games on my phone or watch TV series. If I do either of those things, it’s because I choose to do them.
However, I have noticed that there are still times when I find myself reaching for my phone to play a game. I now recognise that for what it is – a coping mechanism.
Knowing that has enabled me to be mindful to think about why I am feeling that way and to choose what to do about it.
Well, back to my garden…
Most years, in the spring, I work on my vegetable garden, tidy it up and plant vegetables. The last couple of years this hasn’t happened, and my garden became beyond managing.
One of my life choices is that I want to grow my own vegetables again. I have the space and I enjoy gardening.
It is therapeutic 😇
I determined that, as I felt better and recovered some energy, I would spend time working in my garden – even if only for a few minutes a day.
Then one day last week my Rebekah came round with two of her little ones and started working on my vegetable garden. Later that week she and her Futi came back and over two days, with the help of my Lilly and (at the weekend) my Peter, they cleared up my vegetable garden for me.
This has been such a blessing to me. I feel quite emotional about all the work they did. I am most grateful.
Sometimes when things are…
Overgrown and messy… Confused… Tangled… Weary… Overgrown… Out of control… Overwhelming
We just need someone to come alongside us and help us.
But…
To get to this place in my life
where I can accept the help
and be able to act on it,
I had to realise and accept
that I needed to make changes
in my life.
From the end of the earth, I will cry to You.
When my heart is overwhelmed
Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.
Psalm 61v2